


Group Chat Meets the Caribbean

by SwaggerDownTheStreet



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Drunkenness, Group-Chat Style, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, My First AO3 Post, Spoilers (Movies 1-3), Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 10:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19666012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwaggerDownTheStreet/pseuds/SwaggerDownTheStreet
Summary: I wrote this purely for my own entertainment. Not yours. Serious. I'm just sticking it up here so you can see if you'll laugh your guts out. Or maybe you'll just stare blankly at a screen. Eh.Basically, it's a group chat with a bunch of different characters from PotC. Just the first three. Maybe some peeps from the Jack Sparrow series by Rob Kidd, we'll see. And they all have screen names. *BWAHAHA EVIL GRIN HEHEHEH*Not sure what's evil about it, but whatevs. Anyway comment what you think. Even if it's a flame.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yo bro, I just randomly wrote this at like 5 AM so if you're looking for complete insaneness, well here you go. It's totally random, so be ready. We are not to be held responsible for any brain cell loss that occurs while using this product. You have been warned.

-DRUNKENBIRDIE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-POPPETKING HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-EUNUCHBLACKSMITH HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-POISONEDAPPLE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-PIRATESSUCK HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
DrunkenBirdie: Where's the rum? I was told there was rum.  
PoppetKing: Omg like how does this thng even wrk like omg  
EunuchBlacksmith: Do you need help, Elizabeth?  
PoppetKing: No I was kidding.  
PoppetKing: Wait who are you?  
EunuchBlacksmith: You don't recognize your own fiance?  
PoppetKing: …  
PoppetKing: …  
PoppetKing: Wait, since when is Will a eunuch?  
DrunkenBirdie: Um since always?  
EunuchBlacksmith: Wait what?  
EunuchBlacksmith: Jack I'm not a Eunuch!  
DrunkenBirdie: Then how come it's your handle?  
DrunkenBirdie: Hmmm?  
DrunkenBirdie: That's what I thought.  
EunuchBlacksmith: ...  
EunuchBlacksmith: WHO DID THAT?!  
SwaggerDownTheStreet: Tehe  
-EUNUCHBLACKSMITH HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
PiratesSuck: Oh good.  
DrunkenBirdie: Wait who are you?  
PiratesSuck: Your worst nightmare.  
DrunkenBirdie: Now that's probably just your face  
DrunkenBirdie: I meant who are YOU?  
PiratesSuck: ...  
PiratesSuck: I hate you Sparrow.  
DrunkenBirdie: Mission accomplished.  
DrunkenBirdie: But seriously tho who are you?  
PoppetKing: James?  
PoppetKing: I thought you died.  
PiratesSuck: Oh.  
PiratesSuck: Guess I didn't.  
PoppetKing: Goshdarnit.  
PiratesSuck: ...  
-PIRATESSUCK HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
PoisonedApple: Lol there goes the Commodore.  
PoisonedApple: Ex-Commodore.  
PoisonedApple: Or something.  
DrunkenBirdie: Oh my lawd, Barbossa go away nobody likes you.  
PoisonedApple: Your crew liked me better than they liked you.  
DrunkenBirdie: Wanna bet?  
PoisonedApple: What do you think the concept of mutiny is?  
PoppetKing: OOOOOH BUUUURN  
DrunkenBirdie: They didn't like you though  
DrunkenBirdie: They were gonna muttony you  
DrunkenBirdie: And appoint me captain again  
PoisonedApple: They were not  
DrunkenBirdie: Were too  
PoisonedApple: Were not!  
DrunkenBirdie: They totally were!  
PoisonedApple: Lies!  
DrunkenBirdie: Even that blasted monkey liked me better!  
PoisonedApple: Then why'd they try to kill you?! Huh?! HUH?!  
DrunkenBirdie: …  
DrunkenBirdie: You smell funny  
-POISONEDAPPLE HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
PoppetKing: Oh look we're the last ones left  
DrunkenBirdie: ...  
DrunkenBirdie: You killed me  
PoppetKing: Only once  
DrunkenBirdie: You burned all the food  
DrunkenBirdie: The SHADE  
DrunkenBirdie: THE RUM!!!  
PoppetKing: Jack-  
DrunkenBirdie: Leave me alone!  
Drunken Birdie: You foul beastie!  
-DRUNKENBIRDIE HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
PoppetKing: ...  
PoppetKing: *sigh*  
-POPPETKING HAS LEFT THE CHAT-


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe you've already read this and noticed that I added another chapter. Maybe you're completely new to this fic and are clueless as to what I'm talking about. Either way, hi! Thanks for stopping by. I'm assuming you read the first chapter already and decided you could do with another session of brain rotting. We'll get to that in a sec. Or you could just skip this. That works too.
> 
> Still here? Cool. As I was going to say, you might have noticed that this is both incomplete and undetermined of how long it's gonna be. That's cuz I just randomly add chapters whenever the mood strikes me. If you want, you could always subscribe for updates. I just made this account two days ago, so I won't be leaving any time soon. Well, at least not unless get abducted by aliens or I catch a life-threataning disease or something.
> 
> Anyway, you can go read now! Thanks for reading this! :D

-DRUNKENBIRDIE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-PIRATESSUCK HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-POPPETKING HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-WHELPYGOODNESS HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-POISONEDAPPLE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
DrunkenBirdie: Why are we doing this, again? My memory has failed me.  
DrunkenBirdie: And I still see none of that rum I was promised.  
WhelpyGoodness: Don't you have at least one bottle of rum on you at all times?  
DrunkenBirdie: That is beside the point.  
DrunkenBirdie: Who are you anyway?  
DrunkenBirdie: And where's that eunuch?  
WhelpyGoodness: *sigh*  
WhelpyGoodness: It's me, Jack.  
DrunkenBirdie: Who's Me? I don't know any Me.  
PiratesSuck: He means that he is the eunuch.  
PiratesSuck: Duh  
WhelpyGoodness: That was going to be my line.  
DrunkenBirdie: Oh not you again  
WhelpyGoodness: Me?  
DrunkenBirdie: No, not Me, that Commando Sucky person  
DrunkenBirdie: But now I'm confused again.  
DrunkenBirdie: Who is this Me? I never met any Me person.  
WhelpyGoodness: *facepalm*  
PiratesSuck: I don't appreciate that Commando Sucky remark.  
DrunkenBirdie: And I don't appreciate your hande.  
DrunkenBirdie: Everybody loses.  
PiratesSuck: …  
PiratesSuck: Oh fine  
-PIRATESSUCK HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
PoppetKing: James? Where are you going, James?  
DrunkenBirdie: Hopefully to change his stupid handle.  
PoppetKing: Yours isn't much better.  
DrunkenBirdie: What's wrong with it?  
PoppetKing: Serious?  
DrunkenBirdie: …  
DrunkenBirdie: Is this about the drunk part?  
DrunkenBirdie: There ain't nothing wrong with being drunk  
PoisonedApple: yeah!  
DrunkenBirdie: GO AWAY  
PoppetKing: That's a double negative  
DrunkenBirdie: Go away? Nu-uh.  
PoppetKing: No, 'ain't nothing'.  
DrunkenBirdie: Yeah well grammar sucks even worse than Snoringtown.  
WhelpyGoodness: Snoringtown?  
DrunkenBirdie: Yeah, you know, wigged Commodore, very mockable?  
WhelpyGoodness: ...  
DrunkenBirdie: Tried to hang me? Failed?  
WhelpyGoodness: Oh, good, that narrows it down.  
WhelpyGoodness: To just about everyone who's met you.  
DrunkenBirdie: Lies.  
DrunkenBirdie: Chased me around the sea? Through a hurricane?  
WhelpyGoodness: Who?  
DrunkenBirdie: Died on the Dutchman?  
WhelpyGoodness: ... Larry?  
DrunkenBirdie: ...  
DrunkenBirdie: ...  
DrunkenBirdie: We're a ship?  
WhelpyGoodness: Who would ship you?  
DrunkenBirdie: He tried to marry your wife a while bck?  
WhelpyGoodness: Oh Norrington!  
DrunkenBirdie: That's the one!  
WhelpyGoodness: Wait, Snoringtown?  
DrunkenBirdie: Bet you that's his new handle.  
WhelpyGoodness: What are the stakes?  
DrunkenBirdie: Loser has to carry Aztec gold in their pocket for eternity  
WhelpyGoodness: That's a long time...  
DrunkenBirdie: Chicken?  
DrunkenBirdie: Eunuch?  
WhelpyGoodness: DEAL  
PoppetKing: What? Will! NO!!  
DrunkenBirdie: Too late! Bwahahahahah!  
DrunkenBirdie: BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-  
PoisonedApple: Wait, Jack/Norrington is a ship?  
DrunkenBirdie: …  
-MYSTICALDIRT HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-DEADFISH HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
MysticalDirt: Why do I have to do this?  
DrunkenBirdie: I was juat wondering the same thing!  
DrunkenBirdie: Who are you guys now? Wait let me guess...  
DrunkenBirdie: ...Tia Dalma aaaaand...  
DrunkenBirdie: ...Beckett...?  
PoisonedApple: Beckett?!  
DrunkenBirdie: What? His breath is nasty. You can smell it from a boarding ship. It's terrible.  
MysticalDirt: One out of two.  
DeadFish: I'm Davy Jones.  
DrunkenBirdie: *girly scream*  
-DRUNKENBIRDIE HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
PoisonedApple: YAAAAAY!!  
MysticalDirt: Jackie, get back here!  
-DRUNKENBIRDIE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
PoisonedApple: Nooo... T.T  
MysticalDirt: Jackie, say sorry. ò.ó  
DrunkenBirdie: ...  
DrunkenBirdie: ...  
DrunkenBirdie: I'm sorry...  
MysticalDirt: That's more like it! ^-^  
DrunkenBirdie: THAT DAVY EXISTS LOL BURN  
-DRUNKENBIRDIE HAS LEFT THE CHAT AND ISN'T COMING BACK-  
DeadFish: Yay!  
PoisonedApple: Yay!  
DeadFish: High five bro!  
[DeadFish and PoisonedApple exchange HIGH FIVE]  
PoppetKing: Okay, this is just disturbing.  
WhelpyGoodness: Agreed.  
[DeadFish and PoisonedApple exchange CHEST BUMP]  
-POPPETKING HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
-WHELPYGOODNESS HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
MysticalDirt: Um.. hello?  
PoisonedApple: Hey bro, lets go eat pizza while we watch the kraken scene of Dead Man's Chest over and over till we pass out!  
DeadFish: Okay bro!  
-POISONEDAPPLE HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
-DEADFISH HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
MysticalDirt: *frustrated scream*  
-MYSTICALDIRT HAS LEFT THE CHAT-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was worried that Davy was lil too OOC. Then I realized that everyone is. Haha. Now I shall continue with my evil plan to melt everybody's brains with severely random fanfictions heheheheheheh...


	3. Chapter 3

-SPARROWONASHIP HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-WHELPYGOODNESS HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-POPPETKING HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-MYSTICALDIRT HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-OCTOPUSBEARD HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-SNORINGTOWN HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
SparrowOnAShip: Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!  
SparrowOnAShip: hahaha I told you I called it I win!  
WhelpyGoodness: NOOOOO...  
WhelpyGoodness: Norrington whyyyy... T.T  
SparrowOnAShip: Aight lets go! Ilsa de Muerta here we come!  
-SPARROWONASHIP HAS DRAGGED WHELPYGOODNESS FROM THE CHAT-  
Snoringtown: ...?  
PoppetKing: Ugh dont mind them  
PoppetKing: theyre just idiots who made some dumb bet  
Poppetking: But guess what!  
Snoringtown: ...?  
PoppetKing: I got my Hogwarts letter!  
Snoringtown: ...?!  
PoppetKing: Tell Will when he gets back  
PoppetKing: I am off to learn the ways of the mystics!!!  
-POPPETKING HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
MysticalDirt: I dont know whether to be offended  
MysticalDirt: Or like flattered  
MysticalDirt: Or what  
OctopusBeard: You mean... youre confused?  
OctopusBeard: AAAAAH NEWS FLASH CONFUSED GODDESS OMGOMG  
MysticalDirt: ...  
-OCTOPUSBEARD HAS BEEN BEATEN FROM THE CHAT BY MYSTICALDIRT-  
-MYSTICALDIRT HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
Snoringtown: ...  
-SWIPERNOSWIPING HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
SwiperNoSwiping: Huh? Wheres my bro Davy?  
SwiperNoSwiping: We was havin so much fun lass nite  
Snoringtown: Calypso unleashed her wrath upon him  
SwiperNoSwiping: Wuuuh?! Ill uleessh me rrath on Clisso!  
SwiperNoSwiping: Mee an Davy arr kindredd soouls!!!  
SwiperNoSwiping: We bboth don lak Sparo an we gon kill im!!  
Snoringtown: Barbossa are you high  
SwiperNoSwiping: Mes not Brbossss! Mez Catinn MErcA! Ima go fin muh davy!  
-SWIPERNOSWIPING HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
Snoringtown: ...  
Snoringtown: Yeah hes drunk  
-SPARROWONASHIP HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
-UNDEADEUNUCH HAS ENTERED THE CHAT-  
UndeadEunuch: ... TT.TT ...  
SparrowOnAShip: Wait where is everybody?  
UndeadEunuch: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY WIFE  
Snoringtown: Nothing she went to Magic School  
SparrowOnAShip: Really?  
SparrowOnAShip: The place called...  
SparrowOnAShip: Ah... Frogparts...  
SparrowOnAShip: No, Pigfarts...  
SparrowOnAShip: Thass not it... Dogcharts?  
Snoringtown: Hogwarts  
SparrowOnAShip: There you are!  
UndeadEunuch: What?! ELIZABETH!!!  
-UNDEADEUNUCH HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
SparrowOnAShip: UGH GET AWAY FROM ME EEEW  
-SPARROWONASHIP HAS LEFT THE CHAT-  
-SNORINGTOWN HAS LEFT THE CHAT-

**Author's Note:**

> Did you lose your brain cells? Oh goodie. Please leave a comment or something. Or not. That works too.


End file.
